I know what you're thinking, and the answer is YES. I DO have friends who are really annoyingly pretty. If I didn't love them so much, I would slip 'em Kalteen bars on the reg.
I sit here writing this on what is one of my mom fail-iest of days, and that's NOT including the day I wore my pants backwards to pick Bo up from school.
(Which may or may not have happened more than once, if we're being honest.)
And it's on days like today that I am so grateful for my squad. You know, your girlfriends who just get it. They get that motherhood is both hard and wonderful. They get that you can be tired and yet unable to sleep. They get that you love your kids fiercely, even though you aren't ALWAYS a shining example of #momgoals.
I hope and pray that each one of you are lucky enough to have your own girl squad, and let me just tell you that if I knew you IRL, I'd invite myself onto it in a hot minute. (Let's act like I wasn't gonna do that anyway, except that I am TOTALLY gonna do that anyway.)
Here are the friends you're gonna find on your squad. I know this, because they are all on mine. Again, y'all know who you are. Some of you are more than one of these. And this one's for you.
1. The friend who tells you straight up that the balloon sword your kid made you looks like a giant penis.
2. The friend who recognizes that you are on your last available nerve, and asks what time she should bring dinner to your house that night.
3. The friend who sees your postpartum depression before you can admit that you're struggling, comes over to make an attack plan, and helps you TAKE THAT MOTHER DOWN.
4. The friend you call when your kid has a rash or a weird bump, so she can talk you down off the ledge (and also off of WebMD).
5. The wise and patient friend, who listens to your venting without taking a side. And then sometimes even helps you see that you were MAYBE, POSSIBLY, I ADMIT NOTHING-Y wrong.
6. The friend who encourages you in your goals and ambitions, and reminds you that it's MORE THAN OKAY to have a career that you love, or even just some time for yourself.
7. The friend who will take your kid home with them during a family emergency, no questions asked, for as long as you need.
8. The friend who just knows stuff. The best pediatrician in town, how to get barf out of a sisal rug, and how to trick your kids into eating foods that aren't granola bars.
9. The friend who matches your sarcasm with some of her own, and makes you laugh when you need it most.
10. The friend you don't see enough, but when you do, it's like you haven't spent a minute apart.
11. The friend who will drag you out of your house for a girls night, and force alcohol down your throat. But, ya know. In a friendly and respectful way.
12. The friend that you absolutely cannot shock, because they love you more than you know. They also live in a judgement-free zone. (This is probably also the friend who will force alcohol down your throat when you need it.)
When I think back to the days when I was pregnant with AG, my biggest emotion was a general sense of straight up terror. See, I wasn't one of those "can I hold your baby" girls, and I definitely had never changed a diaper. So, when I say motherhood didn't come naturally, that's what we refer to as a MASSIVE UNDERSTATEMENT.
But I will tell you this. It's a heckuva lot easier with my squad. You need them. And they need you.
And go ahead and put me in the lineup. I'll be the friend that makes you feel better about your mom-ing by telling you that I accidentally flaked on Bo's Muffins with Moms. #notmomgoalsAF