Well, we’re almost to the special time of year that I like to call “Regretting Who You Were the Last 3 Months.”

In other words, it’s Swimsuit Time, y’all. And by “Swimsuit Time,” what I really mean is “stuff yourself into uncomfortable pieces of spandex under florescent lighting, while simultaneously cursing the steady stream of peanut butter M&Ms you fed yourself all winter” Time.

I despise buying bathing suits. I hate trying them on in the Worst Lighting Possible. I hate the way one piece suits make me look like I’m wearing an actual diaper, yet STILL somehow manage to showcase all my flaws. And I hate the way two-pieces make me look like a middle aged lady who has definitely had children come out of her body. Even though that’s exactly what I am. MINOR DETAILS.

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