surviving June + some favorites
I know, I know, you thought I had disappeared from the blog. And I would just like to do what I normally do when I need to explain myself: blame it on the kids. Or bronchitis. Actually both. This may shock you, but it turns out that kids actually DON’T understand the concept “mom works from home.” They also don’t understand the concept of “mom gets bronchitis for the 3rd time in 6 months, why is this happening to meeeeeeee?”
Because they can SEE YOU. Why shouldn’t you be able to get them a snack/play monster trucks/clean up their rooms? I mean, YOU’RE RIGHT THERE. CLEARLY, YOU’RE AVAILABLE. Summer is STRESSFUL on them, DUH. THEY NEED YOU.
*insert ALL THE EYE ROLLS. Every last one of them.
I had really great intentions of leading a balanced and productive life this summer. But you know what they say about intentions, right?
They’re dumb, and you’ll just end up with bronchitis anyway.
(What? Is that not how it goes?)
You know what else I intended for this summer? To give my kids an “old school summer,” like the ones I had when “I was a kid.” I mean it sounded good when I first read about it on Facebook, and as we all know, the best parenting advice comes from social media. *eyes actually fall out of head from rolling so violently.
But guess what? YOUR KIDS DON’T WANT AN OLD SCHOOL KIND OF SUMMER. Unless they get to watch someone else have it on YouTube. You’ll end up spending your entire work day yelling at them to ENJOY NATURE, DANG IT. And they’ll spend their nature time counting the minutes until they get to come inside and play Minecraft again.
SUMMER CAMP is my new intention.
In an effort to leave y’all with more than just my complaining, here are some of my June favorites. You know, now that it's July. And feel free to leave your own current favorites below; I’d love to
use them to procrastinate my work and general responsibilities hear them!
1. RATMJ + InStyle Magazine. (a.k.a. If you think I’m above shamelessly throwing THIS up all over the world wide web, then you’re severely overestimating the amount of exciting things that happen to me. I mean, I have to insta-brag while I have something to annoy people about.)
On left: my own photo, because let’s BE FOR REAL, InStyle definitely didn’t include a full page photo of yours truly in the actual magazine. On right side: a page from the March issue of InStyle. All because of JNelly Photography and her magical camera skills. (Btw, Brie Larson was on the cover of the March issue, therefore we can draw the logical conclusion that Captain Marvel is my best friend now.)
I even thought having my picture in a magazine might grant me “cool mom” status. Ya know, at least for 5 minutes.
Apparently, I was wrong.
Me: GUYS! LOOK! There’s something I need to show you in this magazine!
AG: (*glances disinterestedly) What’s a magazine?
Me: (*blinks. silently contemplates the level of annoying this generation will be when they’re teenagers.)
AG: Is it something from olden times? Like when you were a kid?
Me: (*realizes her children think she lived through the Great Depression. Possibly even dinosaur times.)
Bo: (*shrieking excitedly) IS IT A T-REX??????
Me: No, but it IS a MOMSFACE-a-saurus.
AG: (*dies from acute case of EMBARRASSING MOM SYNDROME.)
Bo: (*ignores me because even he knows that joke was tragic.)
Next up, is @Things.I.Bought.And.Liked, an IG account which has rudely forced me to purchase all of Amazon. #whoops Seriously, I have already bookmarked about 40 things I MUST HAVE IMMEDIATELY. All of which are currently sitting in my cart, just waiting for me to have one of my “accidental falls” onto my keyboard. #whoops
Looking at you, Unnecessary Countertop Vacuum. (Also, I love you.)
How about this adorable six pack of earrings? And I promise I’m not just getting them so I can brag about my “six pack.” Maybe.
JOHN: *discontinues Prime Membership as fast as humanly possible.
3. A Little #SherriMath Word Problem for your day:
The cutest $5 tank top comes in 4 colors. How many minutes til Sherri accidentally on purpose falls on the keyboard and orders the other 3?
Some versions of the (fake) test might have this #SherriMath Word Problem instead:
If there is a $5 top, and this top comes in 4 colors, then how many minutes does it take John to accidentally on purpose cancel the credit card? Divide by Sherri’s 3 unsupervised hours in WalMart, and then multiply by a cart so full that it shocked the good people of WalMart into openly pointing and staring.
(And WalMart people don’t get shocked. They have seen EV-ER-Y-THING.)
4. The popular website DressLikeMe is a huge favorite; one that will easily get you through even the LONGEST weeks of sibling fights and pool time refereeing. Know what else it might “get you?” In trouble with your credit card company, just saying. Not since the LTK app, has anything been so dangerous to my wallet. P.S. They recently featured RATMJ in a spotlight article, so excuse me while I shamelessly beg you to go give it a read. Disclaimer: this article makes me sound at least 97% cooler than I actually am IRL. I’LL TAKE IT.
5. If you’re a savvy secondhand clothing deals kind of gal, first of all, teach me your ways. Second of all, check out my IG shop page @shopRATMJ. Thanks to an inability to control my love of peanut butter m&ms, I’ve worn several different sizes in the last few years. So there’s a decent amount of variation in my closet. Plus, awesome bags, jackets, etc. I’m only selling the really great stuff; the things that I actually love, but can’t actually keep. For a few reasons…..
Reason 1: I already have too many. #firstworldprobs (Do I really need the BlankNYC Moto jacket in 17 colors. NO.)
Reason 2: I have grown out of it. (Dear Peanut Butter M&Ms, this is all your fault. P.S. I’ll eat you anyway. Because you really do taste better than skinny feels.)
Reason 3: I don’t wear it enough to justify letting it take up space in my closet. (Because my closet is turning into a living thing that I’m a little afraid of, and also hurts my feelings.)
Reason 4: John has gotten really good at arranging a flat lay.
(Another #sherrimath word problem: If Sherri spends x hours a day oversharing on the internet, and y is the number of times that John correctly identifies a straight leg jean (hint: not many), then how many minutes til John reminds Sherri that she was going to STOP EMBARRASSING HIM ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB.
The limit does not exist.
Until next time,