Listen y’all, let’s be honest: if you LOOK like you’re old enough to have had a midlife crisis, (or be on the verge of one), people generally assume you are a responsible adult. As opposed to the kind of adult who unknowingly wears her pants inside out for an entire day. Hypothetically. ISH.

Basically, I need an adult of my own. (*My mom happily volunteers as tribute.)

The thing is, when you’re of a certain age, people just expect you to know things. Like, how to do your taxes. How to balance a checkbook. (Millennials be like, what’s a checkbook?? Ewwwwww!) to sew a button onto a shirt. Which my actual daughter can do, btw. She is now my adult. And will now receive the gift of doing the adulting.

AG: Thanks. I hate it.

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