halloween

Disclaimer : this is not a style post. My halloween "style' is basically SURVIVE THE NIGHT AND WEAR COMFORTABLE SHOES. 

Y'all.  I have a love/hate kinda thing going on with Halloween.  I mean, yes. It's totally adorable to see your kids all dressed up as firemen/princesses/Donald Trump and his hair.

I'm gonna go ahead and say that's about all there is to love.  

Last year, I had great intentions. I decided AG would be a ninja.  (She doesn't get to decide anymore since the Butterfly Incident of 2014). Basically, we already had a karate costume, and I was TIRED. #dontjudge #youdontknowmylife  

I thought she looked sweet, adorable, and tomboyish. 

Instagram thought she looked like a member of rhymes with SCHM-ISIS. 

#epicfail

At any rate, it was last year that I realized Halloween and I will never be BFF's. And these are the main reasons why: 

1. Most years, Halloween falls on NOT THE WEEKEND.  Trying to get your kids ready for school following the world's most epic sugar crash IS A VERY QUESTIONABLE IDEA.

2.  Homemade Pinterest costumes. Can we NOT? Can we all just agree to get our kids some tacky costumes at Costco, Walmart, Target, or the freaking Dollar Store? (Or else, would you mind pinterest-ing up something for MY kids? I'm open to that as well.)

3.  This "Switch Witch" business. For those of you who don't know, this is the one where you basically tell your kids to put their candy on the front porch for the "switch witch." (aka MOMMY, who will now ingest all your candy, because TWIX.) The witch then switches their loot for a toy that is the kid equivalent of a freaking BOATLOAD of candy. So basically you're bribing them with a pimped out water gun made of gold and rubies. Or a drone.  Or an iPhone. I'd rather just take the raging sugar demon for a day.  

4.  The strategy involved in the buying of the Halloween candy.  Too soon and I will eat it all.  Too late and my house will be the "here's an apple and a pencil" house. 

(Just kidding.  Its more like here's a tampon and an US Weekly.)

5. People who want to know if I am in costume. Why, yes. Yes, I am. This year I decided to come as Tired Yoga Pants Mommy, who is having a PTSD episode from last Halloween. Leave me alone.

Also, give me some Twix.

6. The hundreds of moments where you have to  yell, ONLY TAKE ONE PIECE (as your kid shoves 17 kit-kats into his bucket), and/or MAKE SURE YOU SAY THANK YOU!  (Which they can't, because somehow they've already unwrapped and eaten the kit-kats in the 2.5 seconds you weren't looking.)

7.  The scary house. You know, the one that basically sends an ax murderer or a clown to the front door to pass out the candy.  I WILL scream in your face, and probably throw something at you.  And then get myself home to check your candy for razorblades.

(There actually IS one part of Halloween that I love:  the part where I get to netflix and steal candy LIKE A BOSS.) 

(#worldsokayestmom over here. Looks like I have a halloween costume after all.)